Tuesday, October 28, 2008
what i have been up to:
- walking around a nature preserve in Grafton, WI
- starting and stopping numerous projects
- not sleeping
- baking cookies
- listening to archives of This American Life
- working on the 2009 calendar
so, the not sleeping part is kind of lame, but everything else is good. I fall to sleep easily at night, it's just the staying asleep part that is a challenge. I wake up frequently, and my mind immediately races. I have ideas for new designs, i have solutions to problems from earlier in the day, i have guilt for not using time well, i have excitement for what's to come. I have anxiety over turning 30 next month.
30. next month. I never thought i would feel crazy over turning thirty, but the time has come, and here i am sitting up straight in bed from a semi-deep sleep, thinking simply "30. 30. 30!"
None of my friends who have turned thirty have expressed any sort of discomfort over this benchmark. I don't think any of my sisters got uppity over any birthday, and when I watch movies where the main character is freaking out over turning 40 or 50, I used to think it was so ridiculous - the notion of measuring oneself against something so common and so unavoidable except by death as to turn a year older. a number. a date.
but here i am, losing sleep over it. examining my face in the mirror for lines and loss of elasticity. wondering if my life as it is is what i thought it would be, what i thought i wanted it to be, when i was 20 or 18.
On another note, things are coming along for November's events. I have not been updating my etsy shop because I want a lot of inventory for both shows, but after December 1 I will add everything to the shop.
more to come soon!