Tuesday, October 28, 2008

small stuff

what i have been up to:
- walking around a nature preserve in Grafton, WI
- starting and stopping numerous projects
- not sleeping
- working
- baking cookies
- listening to archives of This American Life
- working on the 2009 calendar

so, the not sleeping part is kind of lame, but everything else is good. I fall to sleep easily at night, it's just the staying asleep part that is a challenge. I wake up frequently, and my mind immediately races. I have ideas for new designs, i have solutions to problems from earlier in the day, i have guilt for not using time well, i have excitement for what's to come. I have anxiety over turning 30 next month.
30. next month. I never thought i would feel crazy over turning thirty, but the time has come, and here i am sitting up straight in bed from a semi-deep sleep, thinking simply "30. 30. 30!"
None of my friends who have turned thirty have expressed any sort of discomfort over this benchmark. I don't think any of my sisters got uppity over any birthday, and when I watch movies where the main character is freaking out over turning 40 or 50, I used to think it was so ridiculous - the notion of measuring oneself against something so common and so unavoidable except by death as to turn a year older. a number. a date.
but here i am, losing sleep over it. examining my face in the mirror for lines and loss of elasticity. wondering if my life as it is is what i thought it would be, what i thought i wanted it to be, when i was 20 or 18.

On another note, things are coming along for November's events. I have not been updating my etsy shop because I want a lot of inventory for both shows, but after December 1 I will add everything to the shop.

more to come soon!


daisy janie : scoutie girl said...

Nice to see your post. I always enjoy hearing what you're working on (or lamenting about). Make 30 fabulous b/c if you give it too much weight, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You only get one go-around at any age! The mind-racing thing is nuts - la maze breathing works for anyone: breathe in peace and harmony, breathe out stress and anxiety...chant it like a mantra as you force (then allow) your mind to go completely black. Concentrate on each muscle from toe to head and consciously make each one relax.....unbelievable how much tension we hold in our faces!!

amy said...

thanks jan :)

Jodi Hudson said...

no matter how old you get, you can find solace in the fact that I'll always be 2 years older than you. unless I die suddenly, then I will be dead at that age and you will continue to grow old.

Brooke said...

I'm turning 30 next March, so I understand the anxiety. :)