7 weeks

well hello there.

I have been a busy bee over here, shipping 100 calendars all over the world. It blows my mind that someone in Singapore will have my calendar on their wall in a few days. It's kind of like a little piece of me  gets to go too. And after several hardcore days of collating, packing and wrapping the calendars, checking names and addresses off lists, printing labels and sealing boxes, a little piece of me did go out with each shipment. 

This year's calendar was different for me because for the first time, I had someone else do all the printing and cutting. This meant a financial investment and risk on my part, and that was a hard thing to do. I had saved money all year to take this leap, but I was afraid to let it go. I had a lot of encouragement, and at a certain point it became clear that if I wasn't willing to invest in myself, why should any of you? So I did it, and I am so glad I did. This experience has set me up for more risk-taking and plans are in the works to take all of this to the next level - more production of more ideas and more to share with you. 

My birthday is this weekend, and for the first time, maybe ever, I don't care. I am the youngest of four, and I think this contributes to my annual anxiety over my birthday - does anyone care that it's MY SPECIAL DAY? The day that I reflect on what I did with the past year, whether I made good choices, where my benchmark is compared to what I wished for in previous years? I know - self-important, much?

This year I will be 32, and I feel like 31 was such a great year that I can't ask for anything more. I did good things this year, and somehow rather than make a big deal out of my birthday, I kind of want it to pass quietly, so as not to disturb the upward march to More Good Things.

Speaking of good things (are you still reading? This is a super long post), in about 7-ish weeks I will have a baby. Forever. I will be a mom. A parent. To a human. Last week in birthing class we watched a video of a birth, and as I looked around the room to see if anyone else was as grossed out as I was, I realized that maybe I'm not entirely suitable for laboring. I decided not to do it. This baby can just stay put, or be born through reverse osmosis, because there is no way I am pushing a human out of my vagina. 

On the flip side of that, I have watched this birthing video multiple times, and it makes me cry each time and then I feel like I can produce the human. It's so beautiful, and not gross, and there are no gaping vaginas.